my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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