im six kinds of drunk right now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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