How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
third nipple confirmed
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
