Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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