Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
