i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
