At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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