Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
