I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
