one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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