what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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