Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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