It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
