Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Houston, we have a blender
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
