He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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