Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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