Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
