So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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