Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
