Plan B is the new Plan A
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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