Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My feet surprised me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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