In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
