I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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