just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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