Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
