He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
