I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
