God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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