Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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