Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
