i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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