She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
