you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
