you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
