So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
