shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
