Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
