be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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