hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
