erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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