he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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