Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
