I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
