Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
