its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
