Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
