dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
