barbara walters just said penis...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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