just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
