Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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