I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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