if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Success! We fucked roommates!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
