So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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