R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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