he told me I talked like a deaf person
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The ass gains better be worth it
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