Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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