I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
