so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
