So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
