I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
