OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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