There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
