I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
