That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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