nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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