One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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