She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
