Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
