how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
