I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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