everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
