i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
