Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
