Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
