i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize