Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
